A New Title: The Forsaken Tyrant

Yes, the name might seem cliche, but I hope you guys will read the description for now and check if it’s worth checking.

Description: In a modern world, where the existence of demonic entities and inhuman monsters alongside humans is natural, continues a never-ending war between the three forces and civil wars inside the three factions.
In such a world an infant boy, Franz, is abandoned in the garbage dump due to an ominous tattoo appearing on his back, only to be picked up by a Female Spiritual Army Colonel, Nathalie, who is depressed for not having a child of her own.
Taking a liking to Franz, she raises him up and trains him to become an undercover agent, and also hones his mysterious power that started appearing since childhood.

Now a teenager, Franz, is given a guarding mission, to protect a young lady of Noble Military Spiritual Family in Japan, which happens to be one of powerful family holding substantial prowess in the Eastern Part of Earth, for reasons unbeknownst to him.
Franz embarks on his journey to guard a member of a family, which would be the key to his origins, meaning of his tattoo, and the tyrannical reason he was born for.

I hope to see some comments, giving constructive criticism on the description, and some comments to see if it’s worth taking a read of or not.

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18 thoughts on “A New Title: The Forsaken Tyrant

  1. Looks like it might be a good read. I can understand life throws us all a few curve balls, but you seem to be a magnet for them. Hope you can overcome yours and get back to TL-ing on a regular basis. I had just about given up on you and was going to suggest KnD, and Ore to Kanojo ga Geboku de Dorei de Shuujuu Keiyaku, to another TL-er that was asking for suggestions. Hope to see new chapters on the latter soon. If I see you trying in earnest to getting chapters out I’ll pledge to Patrion for you. It might not seen like much, but I’ll do what I can.

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    • I don’t want much money, but little supports is what I need. So thank you, I’ll try my utmost to regain the trust I had from my readers from when I started the WP.
      I’ll do my best, to find good readers like you.
      By the way, do you have any criticisms about the description, as in editing or just the developmental process written in the description?

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      • The truth be told, you are one of the best with spelling and grammar. So whether you are editing or not, it’s really good. That’s part of why I was disappointed with your reliability. At least there are no (more better, and the like). I wasn’t the best at spelling and grammar in school, even with a southern USA accent, I knew better than that. So why did you decide to do MnD over again?

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  2. In my opinion, it does look promising, however, the start might be too much. Even if the “war everywhere” idea isn’t illogical, the story could be slightly more attractive if the world develops with the main character. (Ex. While Franz is training with her adoptive mother, a civil war begins in another territory that was somewhat stable. This causes something that makes his country even more dangerous, which makes Nathalie rush Franz’s training)
    For the rest, if the character grows with the story and has some challenges to overcome (not being OP killing everything in front of him), I don’t see a reason to why not read it. 🙂
    Btw, I’m rather new over here (found you when you posted the first part of the first chapter of KnD and you went missing), but I’m glad to see that you’re “alright” and, even after losing your data, you didn’t just quit TLing.
    Good luck in the future.

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    • Thanks. Now that is called constructive criticism. And yeah, the way you said for war, seems more interesting. However, you see I don’t plan to show his childhood, but tell. you know show vs tell stuff. but it’s a point I will surely consider. Thanks

      And again thanks for the support. and oh right it is called MnD, not KnD.

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  3. Yeah, I read the first comment and it got on me. I realized the mistake afterward. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    But I’m happy you liked my idea. 😮 However, what are the genres you’re going to focus on? I assume it’s going to be fantasy, tragedy, but is comedy going to be a huge part of it? Gore? (personally, I dig for that LUL) Idk… And are you going to enter into some legends or mythology as it can make some interesting enemies/allies while staying somewhat cultural? 🙂
    I’ve been reading re:Monster and what I sometimes don’t like is the way it’s written. The story, sometimes boring, it’s not that bad. The problem is how it’s written that makes it a bit confusing and even tedious at times. Talking in the present, skipping parts/battles to explain them later giving TOO many details causing the TL hard to understand. That said, what would make the most sense (and what I think you will go with) is doing a first person narrative, but I think you can also go bigger and do a third person narrative with some interactions with the reader. It’s hard to pull that off the right way, but can be interesting for the reader and will be also pretty immersive. (it create a feeling as if God is the narrator and you’re beside him. XD)
    I’m rooting for you on this project. I don’t have much creativity nor the vocabulary to write anything so giving some suggestions is the only thing I can do to fill this desire and do something for someone. 😛 Pretty selfish, I know.

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    • You are nearly the point of structural editor, if just you can fix some grammar parts, not meaning doing the intensive grammatical fixed or being a grammar nazi, then you are sure to become one. Still, I can’t really evaluate ability just from criticism on a description, lol.

      The genres, will be um action, adventure, tragedy, gore (however, might be reduced if deemed too much. you see I love gore way too much), as for comedy, yes some parts will be comedic, but just for comedic relief at some points. Overall the story will be pretty dark. It’s the way I write any action story I’ve ever written, and yes with mythological stuff included.

      I prefer 3rd person, but not too much 4th wall breaking, with readers feeling they’re in the protagonist’s shoes. I just can’t get into 1st person perspective, if not a slice-of-life or drama story.

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    • Um, it is my original, that’ll I’ll start writing from next week, and wait till editing is done for each chapter, before posting it here.

      1. Harem? I don’t know. Romance? Don’t know.
      2. *abracadabra* boom, here you go
      3. *cough* now you just make me embarrassed

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  4. When you say modern, dose that mean you intend to use current technology such as guns and internet along side with magic?
    If so then how will the two interact?
    Will they synergize like in Mahouka Koukou, negate like in the Dresden Files, or stand apart from each other with little interaction?
    Or perhaps some other interaction that I’m too drunk to think of at the moment.
    What kind of magic systems will you use?

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  5. 1.Natalie want a child because she cant give birth?, is the typical tyrant soldier that dont have interpersonal interactions(despise be a :3)? , didnt trust in anyone cause some past things whatever?…..I need something specific. Is like the relation in the LN AKASHIA RECORDS?
    2. the ojousama is a loli, a normal teen ojosama of the same age, a gourgous ojosama with :3. Is tsundere, kundere, tyrant ojosama?….specific please
    3 The story is set in japan or in all world?
    4 The personality of the protagonist?
    The idea is interesting but you need too be more specific cause the descripcion gives the feeling of typical or cliche history.
    5 You gonna write the story and put it to be in a contest. :v I want to see the covert page of a LN with the author NICKDOYLE. Good luck

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    • 1. Is that even needed to write in description?
      2. um, maybe or maybe not.
      3. all world
      4. It needs to be fleshed out over time. for the time, he’d be pretty ‘dull’.
      5. No, this is a story I’ll write and have it self-published, cuz the story I’ve given for the LN is a different one. I hope I win, I can see a cover page of LN with author ENTRUCE on it. 😛

      6. I tried to not give spoiler, props to me!

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      • 1. No thats only my curiosity.
        2. I prefere the ojosama: “is a ojosama but you dont know that in the beginning of the story because dont act like one or it is in front of your face all the time”. Please not a stereotitycal ojosama
        3. yeah!!
        4. Im not a writer but I know that the development of the characters is part of the first things to do in a story.
        5 You cant try put this like a webnovel, but how the goal is a serialization it is a good idea have a lot of backups story. I thing that you have to watch bakuman or if you already watch it (watch it again :v) that anime give you motivation :v

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